Journaling

Mouth Closed, Eyes Open

2 Chronicles 20:12 –> “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You.”

This weekend has been one of reflection.
As we approach the Thanksgiving season, I find myself spending more and more time reflecting on the season of life Papa had been walking me through–walking us through.

I’ve been thinking about how about 4 years ago I was getting ready to go to Dallas for Thanksgiving with my family. Reflecting on how much has changed since then.
I’ve been thinking about how much I miss my dad.

I’ve been reflecting on my marriage. How sweet and sanctifying it is. How I couldn’t imagine doing life without Jon.

I’ve been reflecting on my relationship with Papa right now.
It’s not that I am not seeking Him out.
But there’s something different in our relationship right now. He’s speaking to me and through me.
And He’s teaching me.
Sometimes some really hard lessons.
Papa is teaching me about stillness and patience.
He’s teaching me to dive deeper into trust and what that means for me, for my marriage, and for those around me.
We’re walking through some deep soul issues. Things that have been long-hidden. But He’s being gentle as we walk through them.

Saturday night at worship, I sat before the Lord.
My mouth closed, because recently I’ve found that I have a hard time singing.
When I’m alone with Him in the quiet, He opens my mouth.
But as I’m around others, it seems like my voice is gone.

I was sitting listening to the Body worship, and I just felt this stillness surround me, and I heard Papa say, “Be still, little one. Just sit in My presence and be still. Let Me move and work. Be patient and keep watching and waiting.”

So I sat in the stillness.
I sat in His presence.
I sat with my questions about our future, about where my heart’s at.
And I sat with the hope and knowledge that He’s doing something.

He’s asking me, asking us, to wait, not because He wants to torture us.

We wait because we know He has something coming for us.

2 Chronicles 20:12 has been ringing true in my heart over the past few weeks. I feel like life is a season of waiting now.
And I want to DO something.
But the thing is, I don’t know what to do.
So I wait.
And I keep my eyes on Jesus.

This morning was the same, mouth closed, but eyes and heart wide open.

I’m sitting and waiting on You, Papa.
I trust that this life is being shaped and molded into one that will bring You much glory and honor.
You’re my Shepherd. I know that You lead and guide for the good of my heart and for Your great glory.
Help me keep trusting You, even when I don’t understand or I want to take control.
Help me keep my eyes on You.

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